Miscellaneous Ramblings – Updated Weekly, usually!

A Post of Mini-Posts!

 

GREAT FOR LIGHT NIGHT-TIME READING!

 

Idiotville, OR Since Slo-Joe took office, wholesale price inflation has increased from from 1% per year to 10% per year; crime has risen 40%; and food is scarce!  

No wonder they want to only talk about climate change!

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Embarrass, MN January 29, 2022 – Did you ever wonder why Vlad(imir) the Impaler Putin thinks Russia is being surrounded by NATO?

Hint: Lookout below! 

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NORMAL, IL January 27, 2022 Justice Breyer has announced his retirement. President Slo-Joe then announced that he would ignore 94% of all qualified candidates for Breyer’s seat. (Biden has committed to only nominating a black woman to the court. Black women make up 6% of the American population. This means that 94% of all potential judicial candidates will not be considered.) Of course, this doesn’t mean that the prospective nominee will not be the best possible nominee. Just look at Slo-Joe’s record in selecting black women for high (i.e. the second highest) government positions!!

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GREASY CORNER, AR January 24, 2022 ADVICE TO THE LIBS/PROGRESSIVES – The price of gas and everything else is through the roof. We are being shot at and pushed in front of subway trains. Food is disappearing from the supermarkets. The value of our 401 (k)s is dropping like a stone! Listen, we will listen about Global Warming and voter suppression, BUT SOLVE THE IMPORTANT PROBLEMS FIRST!!!

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BOOGER HOLE, WVA January 19, 2022 FLASH ALERT!!! We at MOL have just discovered a way to understand the actions of liberals/progressives. For the first time in history, “normal” people will be able to understand WTF liberals/progressives are doing and why they are doing it! To acquire this understanding, just perform the following word swap in any article describing the actions of liberals/progressives: REPLACE THE WORD “LIBERAL” AND/OR “PROGRESSIVE” WITH THE WORDS “PETULANT CHILD”. It works every time!!

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GOFUKU JAPAN April 23, 2020 How come liberals want to take away guns, but oppose Stop and Frisk, which will, well, take away guns??

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DING DONG, TX October 9, 2020 BASIC TRUISM!!! The Democrats can’t BUILD IT BACK BETTER, ’cause BIDEN BROKE IT BEFORE!!!

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ANUS, FRANCE September 21, 2020 We at MOL have finally figured our why radical Islam is the most violent of all religions!  It is their name that makes them do it – I Slam!!!

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TRUTH OR CONSEQUENCES, NM September 4, 2020 PELOSI IS CORRECT (Sort of). Speaker of the House, NAncy Pelosi said that President Donald J. Trump is the enemy of the State!! She is correct, although she (intentionally or unintentionally) left out a word.  Donald J. Trump is the enemy of the Deep State!!

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WHEEL OF FORTUNE, AZ September 4, 2020 PELOSI CAUGHT WITH HER MASK DOWN!!! Bloviator of the House, Nancy Pelosi, was recently caught getting a (gasp) Blow (Yeah, it was tempting to insert a different next word!!) out without a (gasp) mask. This gives rise to two questions: First, Nancy’s hair always appears blown out. Has she been getting regular indoor blow outs while er state was locked down?? Second: How come the press never asked her about it???

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SMYRNA, SC July 9, 2020 Switching from Capitalism (because it is not perfect) to Socialism is like switching from caviar (because it is too salty) to dog food!!

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SCRATCHY BOTTOM, DORSET, UK February 23, 2020 Mrs. and Mr. Markle  recently proclaimed they would “step back” (whatever the hell that means) from their royal duties and would be taking a “progressive new role” in the monarchy to “achieve financial independence”. What bloody rubbish!!! To start, they are already receiving $10 million US each year courtesy of the British taxpayers. I don’t know how you feel, but that income would surely allow me financial independence!! To add insult to insult, today, the Windsor/Markles announced they have registered the charitable website sussexglobXXXXXXXXX.com (Hell, I am not going to provide the Markles with free advertising)to assist in their goal of achieving “financial independence”. More bloody rubbish. Harry, Meghan, listen carefully: CHARITIES ARE FORMED TO HELP OTHERS, NOT TO ENSURE THE FOUNDERS “FINANCIAL INDEPENDENCE”.

I suspect the Queen is not amused.

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BEDDINGTON, ME February 8, 2020 It would be a big mistake for the Democrats to use the emollients clause against President Trump.  Although the president’s skin appears soft and smooth, there is absolutely no evidence that he ever used emollients.

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ALLIGATOR, MS January 15, 2020 FLASH! In only three years, President Trump reduced the number of pages in the Federal Register (That’s the book that lists all Federal regulations) from over 90,000 to less than 65,000. After he gets re-elected, the Federal Register may disappear entirely.

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KRUPP, WA Let’s Hear It For Free Transgender Surgery!!! Many transgender men, women, men/women and/or the 58 other genders present in the known universe are demanding all health insurance policies provide access to (i.e. free) gender assignment surgery (fortunately, most corporate plans already do). They feel that transgenders were born into the wrong body and is society’s job to rectify the situation.

I agree! You see, I was also born into the wrong body, a fat, ugly, bald and stupid one at that! Properly, I should have been born into the body of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson (or a reasonable facsimile thereof), and been able to enjoy his looks, muscles, smile, wit, savoir faire and money.

I need multiple reassignment surgeries. What insurance company do I see about coverage?

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MOSQUERO VILLAGE, NM January 10, 2020 Bring Truth to Broadcast News – To make it easier for viewers to understand what is going on, every talking head appearing on any television “news” program should wear a clearly visible Truth-in-Politics (T.I.P.)badge, clearly showing the following information:

1. The wearer’s name.  Unless there is a graphic at the bottom of the screen, it is impossible to remember who the heck the talker is.  A T.I.P. badge will solve this problem. 
2. A large “R” or “C” to indicate whether the talker is a reporter (who should only be reporting facts), or a commentator (who should only be commenting on the facts). These categories sometimes get blurred (especially on CNN).
3. The reporter or commentator’s PS{1} score in tenths.  The BPS score will allow viewers to assign each talker the credibility they deserve and will alert viewers complete nut jobs (Those rated lower than 1 or higher than 9) who can be ignored or turned off.  

{1}  PS stands for Political Scale, which rates every reporter or commentator on a scale of 0-10, with 0 representing a radical liberal and 10 representing a reactionary conservative.

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Life is Tough enough. Don’t “Woke”, stay “Slept”.

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PUCKERBRUSH, NV January 6, 2020 Horse’s Ass of the Week! (2020’s First) is Selected. It is Foermer Quaerterback Colin Kaepernick (a/k/a FQCK). This week, FQCK enlightened us with the following tweet: “America{1} militarism is the weapon wielded by American imperialism, to enforce its policing and plundering of the non white{2} world.”
Come on FQCK, when have you ever been in the non-white world? Downtown Oakland doesn’t count!

{1} I think he meant “American”.
{2] I think he meant “non-white”.

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FUNKLEY, MN January 3, 2020 The impeachment must proceed. President Trump must be called to task!!! No one is above the law! Except Hillary, and Comey, and Sharpton, and Joe and Hunter Biden, the homeless, criminals of darker color, and illegal aliens.

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PECK, ID December 26, 2019 Three and a half Cheers for the Squad!
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, the woman who puts the “fun” in funeral!
Ilhan Omar, the woman who puts the “infidel” in infidelity!
Rashidia Tlaib, the woman who puts the “pal” in Palestinian!
And Ayanna Soyini{1} Pressley, the woman who put the “Elvis” in . . . uh, I really couldn’t think of anything for this one.

{1} Middle name might indicate Chinese and/or Italian heritage.

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RENDVILLE, OH December 20, 2019 Let Me Get This Straight. The Democrat House refused to allow any minority Republicans to their witnesses or subpoena documents during the Intelligence (Considering its chairman, I really get a kick out of this committee’s title) and Judiciary committee’s impeachment inquisitions, er, I mean, inquiries, yet Speaker Pelosi is refusing to deliver the Articles of Impeachment to the Republican Senate unless minority Democrats are allowed to call their witnesses and subpoena documents. I need a wine cave!

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SCOTLAND, VA December 16, 2019 The Only Way to Classify The Democrat Candidates for President – The remaining Democrat candidates running for the Democrat presidential nomination have been classified in many ways: Liberal vs. Middle of the Road (AUTHOR’S NOTE: None are conservative); Gay vs. well, not gay; African American vs. Rich, white, old cracker er, I mean Non-African American; Old vs. Youthful, and Socialist vs. Not so socialist.

These labels are really irrelevant because they don’t provide the voter with any idea of whether a particular candidate will be successful There is one classification, however, that will assist voters in casting their ballots. Here it is:
CANDIDATES WHO SCARE ALL HELL OUT OF ME: Cory Booker, Julian Castro, Bernie Sanders, Tom Steyer, Elizabeth Warren, and Marianne Williamson.
CANDIDATES WHO SCARE SOME HELL OUT OF ME: Amy Klobucher, Deval Patrick and Andrew Yang.
CANDIDATES WHO DON’T SCARE ANY HELL OUT OF ME: Michael Bennet, Joe Biden, Michael Bloomberg, Pete Buttigieg, John Delaney, and Tulsi Gabbard.

Let’s hope someone from the last group wins the nomination!

P.S. I just noticed something interesting. Everyone in the last group has had either public executive experience, private executive experience or has been a member of the military. I wonder if that means anything?

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BETTLES, AK December 7, 1941 2019 AOC GETS IT RIGHT!   Since I have taken the opportunity to criticize Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio Cortez whenever she is off base or does something loony, I feel obligated to give her Kudos when she does something smart and productive.  Additionally, when praising the congresswoman, I will never refer to her as Slick Chick. 

Yesterday, Congresswoman AOC tweeted “”Won’t you look at that: Amazon is coming to NYC anyway – *without* requiring the public to finance shady deals, helipad handouts for Jeff Bezos, & corporate giveaways”.

AOC was commenting on a report on Friday that Amazon will be leasing a 335,000-square-foot office space in Manhattan that will bring more than 1,500 jobs into the city.  Amazon is not receiving any tax abatements or other incentives to move these jobs to NY. 

 While these jobs only represent 6% of the jobs that Amazon was going to bring to NYC last year in a deal that they were working out with the city and state, that deal was contingent on 3 billion in State and local tax subsidies.  The congresswoman spoke out vehemently against the arrangement. 

Amazon is now going to NYC for the right reason; they want or have to be there.  That is as it should be. 

 

 

P.S. The congresswoman did gratuitously attack the Trump administration in the second half of her tweet, but we’ll give her a mulligan on this one.   

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IMPACT, TX December 5, 2019 Horse’s Ass of the Week! The House Judiciary Committee is holding hearings on whether or not to impeach the President of The United States and Texas Congressman Al Green is bitching that none of the committee’s witnesses to date have been people of darker color.
What is this, a search for truth and justice (and the American way), or a witness affirmative action program? Al, you are this week’s H.A.
No, not the Al Green we all know and love, it’s Congressman Al Green doesn’t want us to “Stay Together”. Come to think of it, he also doesn’t want to “Get Next to You” and isn’t “Tired of Being Alone” either.
Of course, I jest; neither truth nor justice (nor the American way) have anything to do with this “investigation”.

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LAKESIDE, CO December 3, 2019 Finally Revealed – The Rules to Success in Politics, Punditry, and Life!

1. Recognize and accept reality. 2. Take it from there.

 

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SAULSBURY, TN November 30, 2019 A Message to the Politically, as well as the Musically Inclined. We all know that liberals lead with their heart and conservatives lead with their head. We also know that every political group needs a theme song. Therefore, I have assigned a song to each.  Want to know what they are?

Liberals: Feelings by Morris Albert, performed by Morris Albert .
Conservatives: Think by Aretha Franklin, performed by, well, Aretha of course.  

That is why conservative policies appear cruel and liberal policies appear stupid.  They both are!
Kind of a nice song, in a saccharinely, syrupy way.  
A Brazilian.
A true blue American.

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BEDDINGTON, ME November 26, 2019 SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT! President Trump may be impeached because he possibly demanded (in a telephone conversation with Ukraine President Volodymyr Zelensky) a possible Quid Pro Quo agreement that could possibly have helped Trump personally (by possibly harming the family of Joe Biden, a possible political opponent).

If Joe Biden is elected, he must surely be impeached because he definitely demanded a definite Quid Pro Quo agreement that definitely assisted Biden personally. 

Have the Democrats given this any thought?

The evidence is unclear.  Some say Trump demanded that Zelensky investigate corruption, including whether Biden committed any, or U.S. military aid would be withheld.  Others note that a) no Quid Pro Quo demand was contained in the telephone conversation or elsewhere; b) neither President Trump nor President Zelensky considered anything said in the telephone conversation to be in the nature of a Quid Pro Quo demand; c) Zelensky wasn’t even aware that the aid could be withheld; and d) the aid was delivered anyway.
Joe Biden admitted that he withheld military aid to Ukraine unless they Ukraine government fired the national prosecutor, who would be investigating Hunter Biden, Joe’s son.   
By keeping Hunter Biden out of the slammer.

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VENICE, LA November 25, 2019 AT WHAT COST? Everyone talks about government transparency. It would be nice if the committees and agencies investigating President Trump transparently told us how much of our money they are spending on these investigations. Mueller spent 26 million, but I bet the cost of all of the investigations combined exceeds 200 million. Everything in life has a cost and a benefit. Was the benefit of these investigations worth their cost. Speaking of cost, we should also consider the opportunity cost of having the entire United States House of Representatives spending all of their time holding hearings and not doing, as the Democrats call it, “The People’s Business”.

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BUCK CREEK, IN November 19, 2019 HOLLOWING OUT? PUT A SOCK IN IT! Marie Louise “Masha” Yovanovitch, former United States Ambassador to Ukraine Has accused President Trump of “hollowing out” the State Department by firing a few holdover ambassadors (something every, and I mean every, President since John Adams has done.  Come to think of it, George Washington did it too, there were holdover ambassadors from the Articles of Confederation government).

Bill (and Hillary) Clinton fired every United States attorney immediately upon taking office (Bill took office, not Hillary) and every member of the White House Travel Office shortly thereafter. 

I wonder why they were never accused of “hollowing out” these government departments.  After all, firing everyone makes any department hollower than just firing Masha and a few others.

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SAN FRANCISCO, CA November 12, 2019 CALIFORNIA ON MY MIND – I just arrived in San Francisco to study the urban jungle and it looks like I came to the right place. In addition to the other problems you have been recently reading about, as soon as I decoached the Overland Stage, I heard that Chesa Boudin has been declared victor in the race for San Francisco District Attorney. My initial thought was that he might make a good D.A. After all, his mother is Kathy Boudin, who served 20 years for robbing a Brink’s truck, killing a guard and two police officers, and wounding three others, while the “parents” who took care of Chesa while mom was indisposed were Bill Ayers (wanted for planting a bomb in the Pentagon) and Bernadine Dohrn (born Bernardine Rae Ohrnstein –I guess you can’t be a really effective terrorist if you have a Jewish last name), of the infamous Weather Underground. Chesa grew up in the legal system, mainly in Jail Visiting Rooms. He’s probably an expert at speaking through those little louvered holes in the Plexiglas that separates a prisoner from his visitors.

But I discovered I was wrong when Chesa announced he will not prosecute the crimes of public urination, gang membership, prostitution, blocking the sidewalk, public camping, or many other quality of life crimes in order to “be fair” and save prosecutorial time and money. In addition, he will no longer require poor people to post any bond or bail in order to be released from jail pending their trial because it is unfair that rich people can post bail and walk free while poor people have to continue to receive free lodging, free food, free legal help, free medical care, free companionship (sometimes too much companionship), and free recreation. Finally, Chesa said he will end all racial disparities in arrests. Oh, the fairness and equality of it all!

Anyway, I was wondering, why doesn’t Chesa initiate more fairness and equality (and more savings of prosecutorial time and money) and cease prosecuting traffic violations? After all, minor traffic violations never hurt anyone and are usually committed by the middle class, who obey the law, pay their taxes, urinate in a bathroom, do not join street gangs and pay for their own food, clothing, shelter, legal advice, medical care, companionship, and recreation. Shouldn’t these decent, honest citizens get the same breaks as public urinating, public camping, street blocking, bail jumping, and prostituting gang members do?

Anyway, I would like to ramble on further, but I have to take a leak, pick up a blunt and join the two prostitutes waiting outside. We’re going urban camping.

Don’t worry, I can’t get in trouble. SFPD had already arrested their quota of Italo-Celts this week, and next week I’m outta here.

She is now a college professor. I wonder what specialty she teaches?
In Ayers defense, he has stated that the bomb was only “itsy bitsy” and only caused only a hundred thousand dollars in damage. (Author’s Note: A pittance). Ayers was later released when it was determined that the FBI screwed up in arresting and charging him.
Dohrn was arrested numerous times but always beat the rap, even though she was on the FBI’s Most Wanted List for three years. She is now a law professor, probably because of her real world legal knowledge.
I guess that means a racial quota arrest system.

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HARTLY, DE November 7, 2019 – Someday, the Democrats will notice the sky is really falling. But when they try to tell us, no one will listen!

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SCOFIELD, UT November 7, 2019 – HORSE’S ASS OF THE WEEK – Mark Zaid, the attorney for the whistleblower. Mr. Zaid had tweeted and encouraged a “coup” against President Trump. When called on it, Mr. Zaid said he was referring to “a completely lawful process”. Mr. Zaid, you are a biased idiot and should look up the definition of “Coup” in the dictionary, where it is defined as “a sudden, violent, and illegal seizure of power from a government”. A coup is always, by definition, unlawful. Your statement on advocating a lawful coup is is like saying you support violent attacks on women, when appropriate, or murder, when legal. Violent attacks on women are NEVER appropriate and murder is NEVER legal. Neither are coups. You should be ashamed of yourself. As an attorney, you should have, at least, a passing acquaintance with the English language, and the definitions of the words therein. You, sir, are the H.A. of the week!

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ENTERPRISE AL October 18, 2019 – DON’T SAY WHAT AIN’T SO, JOE! YOU CONFLATED DUMMY! This week, in response to the criticism directed at his son, Hunter, former Vice-President Joe Biden pronounced that if he is elected President, no member of his family (presumably he was talking about Hunter) would have an office in the White House. (Basically saying the Hunter did nothing wrong, and he won’t do it again.)

Joe, you sound like a Horse’s ass. Worse, you are assuming the American people are as dumb as horses’s asses. Hunter was not criticized for working for the United States, he was criticized for working for foreign countries, and against the Unites States and the interests of the United States.

Give the kid an office in the White House. We don’t care if he has an office there. We just don’t want him having an office in a foreign embassy or in the headquarters of a foreign corporation. That is what you should say, Joe!

P.S. If your statement (which was clearly unresponsive to the Hunter’s problem) was intended as a swipe against Don, Jr., it fell flat on that account also.

Author’s note: I noticed that Joe did not rule out giving Hunter an office in the Executive Office building or elsewhere (How about an office at the Department of Truth?)

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DIXON MT October 16, 2019 – WAIT A MINUTE!  How come a Democrat controlled House committee can launch a legally murky, secret (i.e. initiated without a vote, witnesses identity is kept secret, documentary evidence is kept secret, etc.) investigation of the President of the United States, without producing (or maybe even having) any concrete or non-hearsay evidence, just because the President suggested, as required by law (and, if you look at it, in the true interests of justice)  that an open, non-secret investigation be launched into the clearly conflicted acts of the former Vice-President of the United States using concrete and non-hearsay evidence that the President openly disclosed?   This question can’t be too difficult to understand, I just explained it in one sentence!  (Style Note: This is not a run-on sentence, it is free writing.)

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THROGGS NECK, NY October 16, 2019 – A Commentator at a Slick Chick Rally in Queens Recommends Eating Babies to Combat Climate Change! This is offensive. Babies are people and eating people (even if they are already dead) is cannibalism, one of the worst offenses against humanity. Cannibalism should never be permitted (except when eating a body and drinking blood on Sunday mornings ).

While eating babies is a bad idea, what about eating aborted unviable tissue masses. According to liberals, they are not people, hence, this would not be cannibalism. Sauteed with a little oregano and accompanied by a fine Chablis, perhaps?

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PARNELL, IA October 13, 2019 – What is this crap about instituting Medicare for All?  We already have Medicare for all.  You contribute 1.45% of your earned income to the government, work until you are 65 and then get a very low cost insurance plan.  Medicare is already available to all (who worked, that is), regardless of race, creed, color, sexual orientation, political view, disability, preexisting medical condition, gender identification, family status, physical appearance, body shape, personality, or net worth.  What’s the big deal?  Oh, now I get it.  Liberals don’t mean Medicare for all; they mean Access to Medicare for all.  (See next point)

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Slick Chick, Bernie and Pocahontas all advocate the government taking over the delivery of all health services.  Medicare for All, they say, although, as explained above, they are not really calling for Medicare for All.  They are calling for “access to” (see above) Medicare.

They say Medicare for All will reduce costs and obviate a tax hike.  Is this a good idea?  Are they right? Do they know what they are talking about?  It looks like the answers are “No”, “No”, and “No”. 

The crux of the gaggle’s argument is that a U.S. government bureaucracy can perform services at a lower cost and with less people than can private industry.  They can’t.  But don’t take my word for it, let’s look at the statistics. 

We’ll use the package delivery industry as a representative example.  After all, delivering packages and delivering health care is almost the same thing.  First class mail, liver, priority mail, brain aneurysm, what’s the difference. 
1. U.S. Postal Service. Employees – 634,447; 2018 bottom line – (5.6 billion dollar loss).
2. Fedex Corporation. Employees – 425,000; 2018 bottom line – profit of 4.57 billion.
3. United Parcel Service. Employees 481,000; 2018 bottom line – profit of 4.8 billion dollars.

Will someone please text the above three points to Slick Chick, Bernie and Pocahontas.  I think they are operating under the misconception that a government bureaucracy is more efficient than a private enterprise. 

On reflection, delivering packages and delivering health care might not be the same thing.  The delivery of health care might require more personalization and be might be more complex than the delivery of a package. Will that change things?

Question: Can the government deliver a complex service like health care better than a private company can? 

Answer: have you ever gone to the Department of Motor Vehicles and asked for something out of the ordinary? How was their personal service; their handling of the complexity?

One more thing – even if Medicare for All (i.e. free Medicare) reduces plan costs (and it won’t), won’t it also reduce plan revenue?  After all, it’s free.  

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Hunter Biden is Getting a Raw Deal – Some people (mostly conservatives) are criticizing Hunter Biden because his father, Joe Biden, who was Vice-President of the United States at the time, flew Hunter (without charge) on Air Force II, to foreign countries and used his influence to assure that the countries gave Hunter (Did I say he was the son of a sitting Vice-President) $60,000 per month and an investment of 1.5 billion dollars.  Such criticism is groundless because, as not (m)any Americans know, the sitting Vice-President of the United States will fly ANY American citizen to ANY country ANYTIME on Air Force II without charge.  And, the Vice-President, if so instructed by the citizen, will use his influence to assure the American Citizen obtains any employment he/she demands; at the salary he/she demands; and any investment from the foreign country he/she demands. SINCE THIS BENEFIT IS AVAILABLE TO ALL AMERICANS, THERE IS NO NEPOTISM HERE. SO SCREW YOU CONSERVATIVES!

“Ms. Thompson, please get Mike on the phone, tell him I want to fly to France tomorrow on Air Force II.  Also tell him I want a job there as a quantum physicist at $80,000 a month. I also want the French to invest 8.26 trillion in my new business venture.  Make sure you also say ‘Hi’ to Linda.”  See, anyone can do it!

P.S. I wonder if any of the money Hunter received found its way into Joe’s political campaign? For some reason, the drive-by media don’t seem to be checking on this!   

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Make America Great Again hats are misleading and must be replaced.  As social commentator Andrew Cuomo pointed out, “America was never that great in the first place”. He’s right.  We’re not. Our country cannot be considered “”Great” just because we: saved the world from Nazism; saved the world from communism; established the world’s first free and fair system of government; cured most major diseases; established an economic system that lifted the world out of poverty; ended famine;  reached the moon; and invented the electric light, internet, vacuum tube, airplane, transistor, integrated circuit, microprocessor, computer, frequency hopping aka bluetooth (granted, Hedy Lamarr was born in Austria, but she became an American citizen), submarine, Coca-Cola, chocolate chip cookie, lightening rod (invented by Ben Franklin), flexible urinary catheter (also invented by Franklin, but not as popular as his lightning rod), dental floss, laser, crash test dummy, microwave oven, GPS, Ferris wheel, zipper, atom bomb (let me repeat that one, atom bomb), swivel chair, bazooka, battery powered vibrator, cupcake and Tang. 

Since we were never great, Make America Great Again (pronounced MAHGAH) hats are, by definition, misleading.  Worse, they are offensive in some minority communities.  As such, they must be discarded and replaced with the more woke (and less offensive), Make America Suck Again (pronounced MASSAH) hats.  (COMING NEXT WEEK: Why wearing MASSAH hats also might not be popular in some minority communities) 

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Why Liberals Always Appear Correct! Liberals discuss and state conclusions differently than normal people.  Rather than proposing a logical position, supporting it with facts and examples, reaching a logical conclusion, and reviewing and answering opposing views, liberals use the WE ARE ALWAYS RIGHT STRATAGEM to prove their points. Here is how the stratagem works:  

1. The initial position is stated in a loud and usually whiny voice;
2. The position is repeated and restated many times in a row, in a louder and whinier voice;
3. When an opponent begins to disagree or rebut the liberal position, the liberal immediately talks over the opponent, repeating and restating (and repeating and restating again and again) the position in an even louder and whiner voice;
4. If an opponent is given a chance to speak without vocal interruption from the liberal, the liberal smirks, shakes his/her head and mouths “No” throughout the opponent’s presentation;
5. If the liberal is able to get the final word (they usually do), he/she finishes his/her presentation by concluding (in the loudest and whiniest voice known to man) that not only is he/she clearly right and his/her opponent clearly wrong but the opponent is also fat, ugly, bald and stupid. 

You’ve probably seen this stratagem employed during a conservative/liberal “dialogue”.  Doesn’t it always work?   

Author’s Note: There is a corollary to the WE ARE ALWAYS RIGHT STRATAGEM (known as the WE ARE ALWAYS RIGHT STRATAGEM COROLLARY) that says: should a liberal ever be wrong (as has happened three times since the Middle Ages), the liberal is not, in fact, in error, he/she is just encouraging a teachable moment.  

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BACK TO NATURE?  There is a tremendous move today, especially among liberals, to get back to nature.  As I see it, there are some good things and some bad things about being natural.   

Good Things – Things That are Natural: Alcohol; tobacco; marijuana; women without clothing (even though some conservatives believe that if mankind was meant to be naked, they would be born that way); gunpowder (made from sulfur, potassium nitrate and charcoal, the most natural of elements); sand or dirt in food (very natural, also provides grit); famine and murder (both have been around for over 100,000 years).

Bad Things – Things That are Not Natural: Pasteurization; vaccines (except for smallpox vaccines made from the pus of a cowpox lesion); sports cars (they contain plastic); birth control pills (artificial hormones); computers and all electronic devices (they contain plastic, dangerous rare earths and mercury);  cars, planes, boats, busses, trains, scooters, bicycles and all other modes of transportation (all contain many artificial ingredients and most run on fossil fuels, which produce CO, which is not natural ), except walking ; all clothing materials except for wool, linen, cotton and leather (thank God for leather); all shoes(except for handmade leather sandals); and vibrators or anything else (including Teslas) that runs on batteries (toxic). 

IT’S BACK TO NATURE FOR ME!

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NBA (Pronounced Neeba) LOGIC – The National Basketball Association (Which I believe is an American organization) will not play games in North Carolina (Which I believe is an American state) because, in that state,  trans-gendered men, er, women, er, people cannot use any bathroom they want, while the NBA will play games in the Peoples Republic of China (which I know is a foreign, cheating, godless, soulless, selfish, lying piece of scum country that steals intellectual property, military secrets, and Spratly islands), even though transgendered men, er, women, er, people living there are persecuted, prosecuted, fined and imprisoned. God Bless America! And Neeba Logic!  P.S. Does Benjamin Franklin have anything to do with this?

 Countries whose names contain the words “democratic” or People’s Republic”, aren’t. ~ Niles Fettuccine

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