Major League Baseball (acting in a rather minor league way) moved the All-Star game from Atlanta to Coors Field in Denver, Colorado. Although the reason they gave for the move, the new Georgia election law is racist, doesn’t make any sense, this move is a big win for White people.
What the hell am I talking about, you say? The answer is obvious; Atlanta is 51.8% Black (and 40.3% White). This means that 51.8% of the people (mostly businessmen, but also ticket scalpers, hookers, shoe shiners, and drug dealers) who would have benefited from the All-Star being played in Atlanta would have been (or would have identified as ) Black!!
But Denver is 80.9% White (and 9.8% Black), so 80.9% of those who now will benefit from the game will be (or identify as) White! A victory long overdue for White people. (if you are keeping score, White is behind over the last 50 years. The box score is 0-67,398-1[i]! Not really All-Star material!)
So, we White people at MOL wish to thank Commissioner Robert Manfred (the mann), Jr., and all the social justice warriors[ii] around the world who made this move possible. To assure that his decision was fair and well thought out, Manfred the Mann, Jr., consulted with numerous moderate social authorities, including Governor Stacy Abrams, President Al Sharpton, Primo-intellectual LeBron James, and the master of fairness and decency himself, Satan before making his decision.
Manfred Mann’s decision does not stand up under scrutiny. To illustrate this lack of “standuppage”, let’s look at the ostensible (and minor league, no, make that bush league) reason Major League Baseball gave for moving the game. HE (and his minions) minions say the move was made because Georgia’s new election law is so racist that it resembles Jim Crow on steroids. We at MOL always thought Jim Crow laws were rather evil because they selectively targeted and adversely affected (seriously adversely affected) minorities[iii]. Apparently, this is no longer the case. It now appears that any law liberals disagree with is a Jim Crow (on steroids) law. To add fossil fuel to the fire, MLB and their minions also say the law would disenfranchise people of darker color.
I think they’re imagining things, but let’s take a dispassionate look at the changes brought about by the new law and see if they are Jim Crow, if they disenfranchise people of darker color, or if they really matter in the long run.
THE NEW GEORGIA ELECTION LAW
- Performance of Election Officials – Election officials who underperform can now be replaced.
- Bribery of Voters – Prohibits the distribution of “any money or gifts, including, food and drink” to anyone standing in line to vote, within 150 feet of the polling place of 25 feet of the voter line. (Bribery from a further distance is still permitted.)
- Early Voting
- The Days – From the fourth Monday prior to an election until the Friday before an election (18 days). Previously, two Saturday early voting days were required. The new law allows counties to add two additional weekend early voting days and allow voting on Sundays as well.
- The Hours per Day – At least 9 AM to 5 PM. Counties can extend these hours to up to 7 AM to 7 PM. The previous law required minimum voting hours during “normal business hours[iv]”.
- Absentee Ballots
- The new law eliminates the signature matching requirement for absentee ballots. Instead, one (1) form if identification is now required.
- When Ballots must be requested – Absentee ballots will no longer be mailed out willy-nilly, instead, they must be requested between 77 days to 11 days prior to an election. (Previously, they could be requested six months prior to an election.)
- When Ballots will be mailed to voters – The new law requires that absentee ballots be mailed to voters 29 days prior to election day .The old law required mailing ballots to voters 49 day before elections.
- When absentee ballots must be received – By the closing of polls on election day.
- Drop Boxes – Drop boxes were not abolished, but now they must be located at the office of the board of registrars or absentee ballot clerk or inside locations at which voting is taking place. No longer can they be located in gas station men’s rooms!
- Time to Count Votes – All votes must be counted by 5 P.M. the day after an election.
The changes brought about by the new Georgia election law above doesn’t look too Jim Crow to me. In fact, it seems rather trivial and inconsequential. To confirm the triviality and inconsequence of the changes, let’s compare the new “restrictive” Georgia election law with the current “free at last, free at last” Colorado election law.
COLORADO ELECTION LAW
- Performance of Election Officials – Election officials can be replaced.
- Bribery of Voters – Colorado election law permits “comfort teams” (how comfy!) to provide food, drugs, and water as long as the “comfort team” is not promoting a candidate or cause.
- Early Voting
- The Days – for 15 days prior to an election
- The Hours per Day – 7 AM to 7 PM
- Absentee Ballots
- Universal mail in ballot state – Absentee ballots are sent to every voter, whether they want one or not.
- When ballots are mailed to voters – Ballots are mailed to all voters 22- 8 days before election.
- When absentee ballots must be received – By 7 PM. Election day.
- Drop Boxes – 368 drop boxes are located (willy-nilly) throughout the state. Many are in gas station men’s rooms.
- Time to Count Votes – Counting begins 15 days prior to an election and continues until it is finished.
It seems that the voting laws in Colorado are almost identical to those in Georgia. In fact, while Colorado is more “liberal” in that it mails unsolicited absentee ballots to everyone, Georgia has a more “liberal” and longer early voting period, a longer absentee voting period, and gets their votes counted quicker. In fact, a Georgia voter can even still receive a bribe of water if he knows someone who can throw a (plastic, hopefully) water bottle 25 feet!!
As a public service and to shine the light of truth on this whole sordid mess, MOL has created a chart encapsulating the features of both the (new) Georgia election law and the Colorado election law. Print a few copies and hand them out to your friends, unless you live in Atlanta.
[i] The tie was the Bakke decision.
[ii] Special kudos to Governor Stacy Abrams, Hammerin Hank’s grandkid, Delta Airlines, Home Depot, and Coca-Cola ,who approved the moving of the All-Star game and to our beloved leader, Kamala Joe Biden, who agreed with them.
[iii] Such as using inferior accommodations, inferior methods of travel, and my personal favorite, prohibiting them from cutting a White person’s hair.
[iv] Which was construed to be between 9 AM and 5 PM anyway, so there was no change.
GOD BLESS AMERICA (Vote up to 18 days early, even on Saturdays or Sundays), LAND THAT I LOVE (Request an absentee ballot 77 days before the election). STAND BESIDE HER (Use the drop boxes at the office of the board of registrars or absentee ballot clerk or inside locations at which voting is taking place), AND GUIDE HER (Make sure your mail-in ballot is returned by election day), THROUGH THE NIGHT WITH THE LIGHT FROM ABOVE!!
MOL Reminds All Our Fellow Americans, Vote Early and Often!!!