In early October, the United States Senate Judiciary Committee will begin hearings on whether or not to confirm Amy Coney Barrett as the 115th Justice of the Supreme Court of the United States.

Grab some popcorn; these hearings are going to be a pisser!

Here are a few of the things to watch for:

  1. Will Senator Dianne Feinstein tell Judge Barrett, “The Dogma lives loudly within you, just look at your faith!”
  2. Will Judge Barrett tell Senator Feinstein, “The Dog lives loudly within you, just look at your face!”
  3. Will the committee bring up the allegation of Ibram X. Kendi (formerly Henry Rogers [a/k/a Mr. Rogers] of Jamaica [Queens, not the island]) that Judge Barrett and her husband are “White Colonizers” because they adopted two children from Haiti? (Presumably, both children are children of darker color)
  4. Will Judge Barrett ask the committee if Steven Spielberg, Tom Cruise, Madonna, and Sandra Bullock are also “White Colonizers” because they also adopted children of darker color.
  5. Will Judge Barrett accuse Lionel and Brenda Richie of being “black colonizers” because they adopted a child of lighter color?
  6. Will the committee accuse Judge Barrett of wanting to overturn Roe v. Wade (which legalized abortions), Griswold v. Connecticut (which legalized contraception), Loving v. Virginia (which legalized “mixed” marriages), Brown v. Board of Education (which legalized “mixed” schools), United States v. 11.25 Dozen Packages of Mrs. Moffat’s Shoo-Fly Powders for Drunkenness, (Don’t ask),and The California Coalition of Undressed Performers v. Spearmint Rhino (Really don’t ask!)?
  7. Will Judge Barrett tell the committee that she favors reinstating Plessy v. Ferguson (which legalized segregation of the races on railroad cars) (Author’s Note: Even though Homer Plessy was 31/32 white and looked more French than black [or White]) or Dred Scott v. Sanford (which denigrated blacks in ways too numerous to mention)?
  8. Will the committee ask Judge Barrett if she favors the re-introduction of serfdom, gulags, peasantry, trial by ordeal, drawing and quartering (both kinds), jousting, or the Iron Maiden (the torture device, not the band)?

The hearings will be great theater.  Watch with your friends and guess which senator is wearing the most make-up (probably Feinstein), the cutest (probably Blackburn, Ernst close second), the oddest looking (probably Kennedy), the f’ing craziest (Hirono, hands down), has the strangest name (Crapo, Whitehouse close second), or looks the most like Spartacus (No! Spartacus was Italian and had hair).

As a bonus reader service, we at MOL will be running a contest to see how many readers can guess how many men a female democrat senator will accuse Judge Barrett of gang-raping in High School.  The choices are 10, a thousand, a quadrillion, a googol, and a googolplex. Information on submitting entries will be forthcoming.

Enjoy the show!!!

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