Big Apple restaurants are really in a pickle[1]. On July 24, 2020, New York’s esteemed governor, Corona Killer Cuomo, issued an Executive Order requiring that, in order to stay open during the Corona Crisis, bars must serve “substantive[2] food. The Corona Killer defined substantive food as “More than just hors d’oeuvres, chicken wings. . . . The lowest level of substantive food were sandwiches.” Bars that violate this Order will have their liquor licenses immediately revoked[3] and their addresses and front door keys turned over to the [Some] BLM movement.

To resolve this disaster[4], and to prevent the mass bankruptcy (and torching) of New York’s finest hostelry, the crack MOS’s Legal Definitional Section (The LDS of MOL) has devised a solution that will permit every gin joint in the great State of New York to stay open as long as they want!![5]

The solution? Cuomo Daily Bread! Since the Executive Order clearly categorizes sandwiches as a “substantive” food, LDS’s solution is to serve everything in the Inn on bread. Put everything in a sandwich!!

Besides saving a business and keeping their employees employed, every saloon will now be able to fashion masterful new culinary delicacies. The possibilities are endless: Swedish Meatball sandwiches; Shrimp Cocktail sandwiches; Macaroni and Cheese sandwiches; Clam Chowder (Manhattan style) sandwiches; Fruit Cup sandwiches; Clams Oreganata sandwiches; French Fry sandwiches; Grilled Garlic Toasts sandwiches; Soufflé au fromage sandwiches; and, my personal favorite, Buffalo Hot Wings sandwiches. Viola, industry saved!

Boy, when it comes to saving the New York tavern industry, everyone at MOL’s LDS are truly latter-day saints!!!

[1] Although pickles have been around for over 4,000 years, they were refined and popularized by Jews from Eastern Europe in New York City in the late 19th century.
[2] His words, not mine. Doesn’t it sound like a lawyer making a menu!
[3] The constitutionality of which is really suspect.
[4] Especially for heavy drinkers, like the LDS staff.
[5] But not past 2:00 am. (4 am. in New York City, Buffalo, Albany, and Saratoga Springs).